Green thumbs- help!!

My thumbs are not green. Or even yellow-ish. More of a dull gray- the color of the dead cactus I threw away once after forgetting to water it. For 3 months.

*Oops*

But as a homeowner, I'd like to make the exterior of our home look nice. I'm not wanting to compete with Versailles

{my house would sink into the pond, in any case}

but the exterior of our home could use a facelift. The previous owners let a couple of the bushes in the front struggle, so we have a tiny bush and a dead one. Charming!

So I want to haul the dead critters out and plant something glorious. Maybe one of these, with a few smaller bushes around the side of the house (that huge blank wall you see).

photo source

And I want to put this stuff somewhere in the yard. Who knows where.

 photo source

Maybe we'll start small, get the pretty bush put in and then I can add randomly occurring grasses to the yard. Hopefully Chowder won't eat all this stuff!